I’ve been working on this post for some
time, and because of circumstances in my life have taken some time to post. More on that in a moment…
This particular post was inspired by a friend who performed a Tarot reading for me about my life. He pulled only one card, partly because he was still learning the cards and partly because I didn’t want to be much trouble. He drew The Empress. The short of a long was since my break up the reading indicated I had nowhere to go but up. It was a time to grow, and grow is what I’ve done.
In March I started a six month temp job where I often worked 50 hours a week. Even though the job has been stressful and led to some immense weight gain it allowed for me to plant the seeds for a new life. I have a personal bank account again, I have my own cellphone and account to go with it,and I have the means to replace things I lost to my ex. I also have the means to streamline more things in my life.
I rarely have a chance to sit in front of my computer due to my job. This blog and other things suffered for that reason. I realized recently how much my work on this blog is tied to my devotion to my shrine. The less time I spent on writing, the less time I had for Het-Hert. I got tired of that and finally downloaded some apps as a solution. In providing myself the means to grow financially I realized I neglected other parts of my life.
While I hope this plan will strengthen my religious practice I hope it will strengthen my spiritual and personal growth. If I’ve learned nothing from my job about myself, it’s how much I lack in self-confidence. One way I lack in self-confidence is with the language disorder I have. It’s part of the reason why it takes so long for me to write. In dowloading the wordpress app I have to trust in my writing abilities more. Does that mean I’ll have moments of atrocious grammar, incoherent ideas, or malapropisms more often? Yes. All I can do is learn from it.
Trusting in my abilities or my financial growth aren’t the only things growing in my life. My integrity is growing too. In devoting myself to only Het-Hert and my personal growth I have strengthened and redrawn my boundaries. While they aren’t perfect, it provided the strength I needed to stand up to my ex when he thought he could waltz back into my life and demand a Reiki attunement. It provided me with the strength I needed to distance myself from him when afterwards he messaged me to tell me he had a new girlfriend. That same strength provided insight and confrmation of my suspicions about his intentions, as well as the means to comfort myself.
The growth has provided much in terms of regeneration. People who’ve known me for years are seeing the “old me” return. For me, the old me consists of accomplishing things quickly. It also meant being able to stand my ground, incredible spiritual insight, a sense of adventure, a desire to create, just to name a few traits. When I felt pain I sought comfort in Het-Hert and trusted friends like I used to do. I’ve even considered becoming a priestess for Het-Hert given how I much I feel She’s aided me.
If the coffee flood was indicative of my previous year based on growth through destruction, then this year will be marked by my determination. This year when I performed my rituals for Wep Ronpet just about every possible distraction came up, including a thunderstorm . Not only did this fail to deter me, but I felt the weather complimented my resolve. Nothing and no one was going to stop me. It is a sentiment I find pervasive in my life in recent months and continues even now.